Accounts for 40-50% of all dissertation feedback we've analyzed. "This shows..." "That indicates..." "These results..." — your committee is circling every one.
Replace the vague pronoun with the specific noun it refers to.
Starting a sentence with "This," "That," "These," "Those," "They," "It," or "There" without specifying what you're referring to is the most common issue in academic writing. Not the most severe—but the most frequent by a wide margin.
Here's why it matters: your committee doesn't read your dissertation in one sitting while the ideas are fresh. They read it in pieces, often weeks apart, sometimes skimming ahead then going back. When they hit "This demonstrates the importance of..." they have to stop and figure out what "this" is. After the twentieth time, they stop being patient about it.
The fix is mechanical, not creative. Every time you write "This" at the start of a sentence, add the noun: "This intervention," "This finding," "This theoretical gap." It takes five seconds per sentence and eliminates the single biggest source of revision requests.
Unclear pronoun references force readers to hunt for meaning. Committee members read hundreds of pages and flag vague "this/that" repeatedly because it slows comprehension and creates ambiguity about your argument. This is THE #1 issue across all dissertations.
Academic writers often assume the reader is following their train of thought. But dissertation chairs read dozens of papers—they need each sentence to stand alone clearly.
Before writing "This shows..." ask yourself: "If I read only THIS sentence, would I know what THIS refers to?"
Teachers implemented new strategies. This improved outcomes.
Teachers implemented new strategies. This intervention improved outcomes.
"This" without a clear referent when the previous sentence has multiple nouns.
They found that motivation increased. This was attributed to the new curriculum.
They found that motivation increased. This increase in motivation was attributed to the new curriculum.
"These" could refer to the policies, the implementations, or the school's actions.
The school implemented three new policies. These led to improved outcomes.
The school implemented three new policies. These policy changes led to improved outcomes.
"It is" construction adds words without adding clarity. Rewrite to lead with the actual subject.
It is important to consider multiple perspectives when conducting qualitative research.
Considering multiple perspectives strengthens qualitative research design (Creswell, 2014).
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